I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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