OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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