theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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