My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
