I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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