this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
