I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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