I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
