I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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