the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
