If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
