Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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