Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
