i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
