I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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