Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
