I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
