i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize