Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
