One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
