I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
