I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
