Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
