one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize