how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
