Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
