I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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