Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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