I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
