I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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