I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
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i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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