apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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