he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
