We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
