This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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