i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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