You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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