I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
