Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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