So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
