Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
