drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
