"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
