New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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