i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
