i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
