five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she smelled like a LAN party
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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