help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
