I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
