is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
