So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
My Higher Power is John Stamos
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
