The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
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Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
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do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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