how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
