I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's Friday. Sex?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
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$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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