I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How does one acquire holy water?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
