She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
